Conflict: Inevitable, but Redeemable

My wife and I feel like referees a lot these days. We have three young children, and as anyone with young children knows, they tend to fight often and over seemingly everything: clothes, shoes, toys, food, coloring books, crayons, stickers, air…Yes, seriously, air. “Daddy, she’s getting in my space…I don’t want her in my space!” Sound familiar?

Being addicted to peace and quiet as I am and having the strong aversion to bickering that I do, I often try to prevent my children’s conflicts. I try to outsmart them. For instance, I know that my older two girls feel strongly about the color of their plastic dinner plates (apparently some colors are much more pleasurable to eat off of than others). So, in order to avoid conflict, when getting plates out for them before dinner, I wisely select two plates which are exactly the same color–and the same shade of the same color. That way I won’t have to hear “I don’t want the light blue plate; I want the dark blue plate like she has!”

Ah ha, conflict averted, right? Nope. Not for long. Because inevitably one has more French fries than the other, or one more blob of ketchup. And then guess what, the fight is on!

Are my children unique? Are they more competitive and cantankerous than most? No, they are human, and unfortunately this is the way it goes for us humans. Even the most “spiritually mature” among us are not immune to conflicts.

Recently in our sermon series on the book of Acts, we watched as Paul and Barnabas—two of the most prominent leaders of the early church—experienced a “sharp disagreement” between them (Acts 15:39). In modern lingo, they got into a fight!

Before this point, these two guys were inseparable. They were a match made in heaven, literally (Acts 13:2). They were a ministry dream team, and they had many fruitful ministries together all around Asia Minor. They preached the Gospel side by side; they saw many people saved; they planted several churches. They even risked their lives together (Acts 14).

But their relationship, like all human relationships, was fragile. All it took was one disagreement about whether to take Mark along with them for their next mission trip, and they went separate ways. Paul took Silas and went one direction and Barnabas took Mark and went another. In fact, the remainder of the book of Acts will highlight the ministry of Paul and say absolutely nothing about Barnabas. We never see these two guys together again. Sorry Michael W. Smith, apparently friends aren’t friends forever when the Lord’s the Lord of them!

What happened? Sin happened! As they say, “The best of men are men at best!” And men are sinners.

So, here’s the bad news: Conflict is inevitable.

But, there’s good news too: Conflict is redeemable.

In God’s good redemptive plan, He went on to use the quarrel between Paul and Barnabas to split up their team and to create two missionary teams instead of one. He also went on to use both men for the furtherance of the Gospel. Paul enjoyed a fruitful ministry around the Roman empire according to the remainder of the book of Acts, and according to tradition Barnabas went on to solidify the church which had been previously planted by Paul and him in Cyprus.

So, despite the ungraciousness of these men, God kept spreading the message of the grace of Jesus to others. God redeemed the situation and used it to continue promoting the greatness of His Son.

And this reminds us how God uses the inevitable conflicts in our lives. They will happen and they will happen often, but God will redeem them. He will use them to uphold the glory of His Son. And if you have eyes to see it, you can see the greatness of Jesus in each earthly conflict.

For Christians, the strength of our relationship with Jesus is most obvious in contrast to the fragility of our relationships with people. Every quarrel is an opportunity to remember afresh that Jesus is the only one who is never at war with us. He is the only one who has never been angry with us, but always gracious towards us; He is the only one who has never fought against us but always for us; He is the only one who has never wished to kill us, but instead was willing to die for us!

In reality, He and He alone is the only “friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Prov 18:24)

So, instead of trying to avoid conflict—which is inevitable—let’s ask God to open our eyes to the way it is redeemable!

Through Many Tribulations

It has been a difficult week. While still processing the gruesome and heartbreaking details of the Boston Marathon bombing, I heard a message on my voicemail telling me that a young girl, a 17 year old named Amanda Winters, died in a car crash on Summit Lake Road. Then, the day after attending her funeral, I received an early morning phone call telling me another young girl, a 15 year old, committed suicide on Harstine Island on Friday night.

The waves of bad news just kept coming in…but thankfully, reminders of God’s good news came in as well.

I was preparing to deliver a sermon from Acts 14. In that passage, Paul is beaten up severely for preaching the Gospel and then—after dusting himself off and tending to his wounds—gives the following reminder to his brothers and sisters in Christ:

Acts 14:22 “…through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”

It was a timely word for me. It reminded me that “tribulations” are a necessary part of living in this world and that God always brings His people “through” them! He doesn’t bring us into trouble and leave us there. He always carries us through it. As we’re told in Psalm 34:19, “Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.”

God is committed to our salvation from beginning to end, and in between nothing can separate us from the love of Christ (Rom 8:35-39). His grace saves us and it sustains us—always! Like the famous song Amazing Grace says, “Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home!”

As you are touched by tribulations today, whether distantly or directly, remember God’s gracious commitment to carrying you through them all.

Broken is the Best You’re Going to Get

Well, it happened again the other day. We had ordered a brand new bunk bed for our girls. When it arrived, we excitedly opened it up and began assembling it…only to find that one of the bright white boards was broken, split down the middle. Shoot!

It seems inevitable; whenever I buy something “brand new” I discover something wrong with it. Perfectionist that I am, this drives me nuts. I don’t have a problem with imperfections with used things or hand-me-downs; however, when shelling out the extra money for something that is supposed to be new, I really don’t like it when it’s damaged. But it seems like it always is. I honestly can’t remember buying anything without discovering some kind of dent, ding or scratch already on it.

Okay I give up, God, that’s the way it’s going to be. But, is there anything I can learn from this? Is there any point for me to get?

I think there is. I think it teaches us all a very important lesson. Everything and everyone in this world is broken. It’s been that way ever since human rebellion began with the first sin back in Genesis 3. The earth is cursed. So, we can look long and hard to find something or someone that isn’t broken in this world, but we never will. That’s the bad news.

Here’s the good news: God isn’t broken. He is perfect and He sent His Son to insert His perfection back into this imperfect world. Through Christ—and through Him alone—God has provided redemption and reparation for all things (Col 1:19-20).

While I tend to interpret the brokenness around me as a bad thing, it is actually a good thing. It is a good thing because it points me to Him—His wholenesss, His perfection. There is no other place I can take my craving for wholeness and perfection; there is nowhere else it can be satisfied (cf. John 6:35).

Through the brokenness of our world, God is reaching out and sending to us a very important message: “Everything and everyone is broken…except Me!”

Brokenness and imperfection is a part of everything in this world and accepting it helps us find Jesus in it. And this has huge relational implications. It helps us to accept who we are and who everyone else is. It helps us give up on our pursuit of relational perfection among humans and encourages us to look for it in God alone.

I hear evidence of the fruitless pursuit of relational perfection all the time.

I hear it from single people looking for a spouse. “I’m looking for Mr. Right (or Ms. Right). I’m looking for someone who doesn’t have any sexual baggage, or who hasn’t been married before or, who doesn’t already have children.” This of course is another way of saying, “I don’t want somebody broken.”

I hear it from parents. “I don’t want my kids to be corrupted by the bad, bad world. I’m not going to let my kids make the same mistakes I made. I don’t want them to screw up. I don’t want them to try drugs or alcohol or to get pregnant. I don’t want them to get broken.”

I hear it from church hoppers. “I’m looking for a church that does preaching right and worship right and community right. I’m tired of listening to hypocritical pastors and performance driven worship teams and seeing church people mistreat each other.” In other words, “I don’t want a church that is broken.”

We all understand what these feelings are like, don’t we? And we certainly shouldn’t wish failure or moral disaster upon anyone, but we must not forget what God tells us. The fact of the matter is, everyone is broken.

Even if this brokenness escapes your notice for a time, be patient, it will show up. Your spouse, or future spouse, is broken. Your kids are broken; they were born that way (Ps 51:5). Your church is broken because it’s filled with broken people. Accept it, and look for Jesus in it.

In search of a mate? How about this: instead of trying to find one who isn’t broken, find one who is and knows it. And learn to take your brokenness to Jesus together. (Remember, you’re broken too!)

If you’re already married—in which case you know how flawed your mate is—let their flaws point you to Jesus’ flawlessness. Let go of your expectations for them and put your hope in Christ.

If you’re a parent, give up on the goal of trying to keep your kids from getting broken.  Teach them that they are broken, and point them to Jesus.

Are you in search of a church? Rather than looking all around for the perfect church, look for one where the imperfection isn’t covered over but put right out in the open where Jesus is. Look for a church where human sinfulness is exposed and where Christ’s sinlessness alone is extolled. Look for a church where the need for redemption of people is constantly made obvious and where the provision of redemption in Jesus is constantly deemed glorious.

Embrace God’s story of redeeming and repairing broken people through Jesus for His glory. If you belong to Him, it’s the story of your life and it’s the story you’ll be celebrating for the rest of your existence.

Remember, the perfect and whole Christ is coming back and when He arrives we will know perfect wholeness forever… “we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is” (1 John 3:2)…Until then, embrace the brokenness, because it’s the best you’re going to get!

How the Gospel Saved My Marriage and Ministry

A few years ago, God wrecked my world and revived my heart in the Gospel. Here is the short version of the story. I was strolling along in pastoral ministry when suddenly I found myself in the midst of a church split and a marriage crisis. I became crippled by my own sin, unable to overcome thoughts of anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness related to offenses against me from church members and my wife–real or perceived. It was largely an internal struggle with which I battled through many miserable days and many sleepless nights, but sadly my sin also manifested itself in explosive outbursts of anger toward my wife and others at times. After grappling with these sins for over a year, and wondering if my marriage and my ministry would survive, God broke through in profound ways teaching me something hugely important: I need Jesus just as much today as the first day He saved me! 

God was exposing and killing the Pharisee within. Jesus said to His closest followers “beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.”[1] Well, I was realizing that I hadn’t been vigilant enough in this regard. I was a full-fledged Pharisee, religious, biblically knowledgeable (got the summa cum laude label from seminary to prove it!), puffed up with pride and self-reliant. That worked for a while…But now I was on my face. I was learning the stunning reality that if I was to be anything as a husband, father, or pastor…that if my marriage or my ministry was going to survive, it was going to be because Jesus rescued me from my sin—plain and simple. It was going to have to be because He beat my sin for me, not because I was beating it myself.

And He did rescue me. He turned my eyes back toward the Gospel—which I had evidently left behind. God reminded me that the only hope for my sins, including my present sins, is the good news declaration that Jesus lived the life that I cannot live and died the death I deserve to die. That’s it, plain and simple. He was, and is, the husband, the father, and the pastor I cannot be. My primary responsibility is to cling to Him in faith and bear the fruits of His power. By this and by this alone will God be glorified in my life. [2]

As my heart gradually, and painfully, began believing this, I was increasingly relieved and set free. My thoughts of unforgiveness and anger were being miraculously replaced by thoughts of forgiveness and compassion. And as far as my ministry was concerned, for almost the first time in my life, there was a sense of freedom and joy in the work. God was giving me what I didn’t have on my own: excitement for the way He has loved me and love for His people! He gave me love for my wife, for my kids and for my parishioners, something I couldn’t seem to conjure up despite all my self-discipline, all my biblical study, and all my bull-dogged devotion to the commands of Scripture.

Not only was I experiencing newfound freedom and joy in my personal life, but by His grace my study of Scripture also became alive. My time in God’s Word previously had grown stale. I was like a biblical technician with all the right tools and methods but with very little genuine interest or passion for what I was doing in studying and preaching. I remember praying several times before this trial began that God would please help me to appreciate His Word more and to have more excitement about sharing it. Well, He answered that prayer! Now, as I studied I was seeing Jesus everywhere. I was realizing that, formerly, I was, in many ways, like the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, biblically knowledgeable but blind to Jesus’ ubiquitous presence. I had fallen prey to the error of the religious people whom Jesus rebuked saying “You search the Scriptures diligently because you believe that in them you have eternal life; indeed, it is these which testify of Me.”[3] As I studied God’s Word previously, I was primarily focused on me and what I was to do for Him rather than Him and what He has done for me. And it was killing me…but God was resurrecting me!

I began approaching my studies with a new set of eyes, and I was being continually blown away by the grace of God all over the pages of Scripture. I started seeing the Gospel everywhere, not just in passages which address initial conversion and justification but in passages which address sanctification and growing in grace as well. I started realizing that every biblical text points to two fundamental realities: my desperation and God’s deliverance, my sin and God’s salvation, my need and God’s provision. I began grasping the fact that Jesus Christ is the point, that His Gospel isn’t just the introductory material of the Christian life, it is the advanced material as well. I was learning what RTS professor J. Knox Chamblin meant when he said, “The Spirit does not take his pupils beyond the cross, but ever more deeply into it.”[4]

The Gospel has become my banner. Jesus has become my life line. The more I look away from myself and see Him, the more I am transformed by Him.[5] The more I trust in Him rather than myself, the more I experience His joy and the other fruits of His Spirit—God glorifying fruits which no human effort can supply.[6]

And I can say, from the bottom of my heart, this is why, and this is the only reason why my marriage and my ministry are intact today. It is all Him! He does the work, and I reap the rewards. I get the grace, and He gets the glory!

[1] Luke 12:1

[2] John 15:1-11

[3] John 5:29

[4] Chamblin, J. Knox, Paul and the Self: Apostolic Teaching for Personal Wholeness, Baker, 1993, p. 117.

[5] 2 Corinthians 3:18

[6] Galatians 5:22-23